Some funny faith stories: 11-13-12

On a slightly mixed-up day like 11-13-12 and after a brutal election season, we need a break from all this seriousness.

So, friends, it's religious joke day again here on the blog. A reminder: These jokes are not original with me. If they had been, they'd have been funnier.

1. A single guy decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede, (100-legged bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today? We will have a good time."

But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a
few minutes more, thinking about the situation. The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.

This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted,
"Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about God?"

This time, a little voice came out of the box, "I heard you the first damn time! I'm putting my shoes on!"

2. Just this morning I opened up a tub of margarine, and what do I see but the face of Jesus.

I was so astounded, I took it over to show my next door neighbor, Mr. Ngyuen. I said, "Look, here's the face of the savior in a tub of margarine!"

He took one look at it, and said, "I can't believe it's not Buddha!"

3. Three guys die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter says to them "whatever you do, don't step on a pink cloud".

The first guy goes off wandering. when he comes back, he's accompanied by one of the ugliest women you've ever seen.

"What happened to you?" asked the other two. "I stepped on a pink cloud" he replied. The second guy goes off wandering and comes back with an even uglier girl. "What happened to you?" they asked. "I stepped on a pink cloud."

The last guy goes off wandering and comes back with the most beautiful woman any of them have ever seen. "What happened?" they asked. The woman responded "I stepped on a pink cloud."

4. We’ve been letting our six-year-old go to sleep listening to the radio, and I’m beginning to wonder if it’s a good idea. Last night he said his prayers and wound up with: “And God bless Mommy and Daddy and Sister. Amen—and FM!”

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DIVISIONS WITHIN ISLAM

Need more evidence that Islam, like most religions, is not monolithic (though, indeed, it is monotheist)? A prominent Muslim reformer in Egypt has called Islamists there pushing for a strictly regulated Islamic government "the clowns of religion." (Sort of goes with today's humor theme.) It's the sort of division within Islam that gives hope to much of the non-Islamic world.

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P.S.: My latest Presbyterian Outlook column now is online. To read it, click here.