BLANK SAVE THE QUEEN
An in-flight version of the movie "The Queen" has come to the airlines with "God" bleeped out of it
. Supposedly it was a mistake. But what could the person who made the mistake have been thinking? Yikes.
* * *
TIME FOR SOME FAITH-BASED HUMOR
I declare a one-day halt to so much seriousness.
It's time for a humor break. As regular readers of this blog may recall, I am not the source of these jokes, merely a channel to get them from their source (whatever that might have been) to you. Some of them, along the way, have traveled through Beliefnet.com
, one of the better spiritual Web sites out there. Oh, and pardon the various font changes in here today. I'd like to tell you I did that as a joke, but the joke, apparently unfixable, is on me.
1. Two Jewish women were next to each other on a plane.
One leaned over and said: “Excuse me. I couldn’t help noticing your diamond.
“It’s 45 carats.”
“I’ve never heard of one so big.”
“Yeah. It even has a name, the Potnik Diamond. But it comes with a curse.”
“How romantic. What’s the curse?”
2. Did you hear about the Hindu yogi who was having a filling put in
a tooth? When the dentist asked him if he wanted Novocain, the yogi
said, "No. I can transcend dental medication."
3. God: "Whew, I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light
and darkness on earth."
Angel: "Oh yeah? What are you going to do now?"
God: "I think I'll call it a day."
4. There once was a 94-year-old nun in the 1890's whose worn-out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day, to relax her.
However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined. But her mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed the kitchen to spike the milk three times a day. Eventually, the elderly pious one approached her final hour. As several sisters gathered around her at bedside, the mother superior asked if she wanted to leave them any words of wisdom.
"Oh, yes," she replied. "Never sell that cow!"
5. An elderly Italian Jew wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi. "Rabbi, during World War II, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a Catholic and changed my name from Levy to Spumoni, and I am alive today because of it."
"Self preservation is allowable, and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable," said the Rabbi. "Rabbi, during the war, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic, and they never found her."
"That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to feel guilty."
"It's worse, Rabbi. I was weak and told her she must repay me with sexual favors, which she did, repeatedly."
"You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. There is a favorable balance between good and evil, and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt."
"Thank you, Rabbi. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question."
"And what is that?"
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
To read my latest Kansas City Star work, click here
. (My column tomorrow will explore ways we should react when our politicians invoke the name of God.)