March 21, 2005
March 23, 2005

March 22, 2005

I love humor. If you know that I wrote a humor column for several decades, you already know that. But even now that I'm writing more serious things, I like to laugh. I think laughter is a divine gift.

Mileslaugh

So every now and then I'll interrupt this blog to bring you some semi-religious jokes. Or, anyway, jokes that find their roots in religion. They come from various sources, including beliefnet.com, one of the best spiritual resources on the Web.

So here you go:

1. A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively.

"I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just prayed for more snow."

2. An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher
greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where
would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row please." She answered.

"You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is
really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.

"No." he said.

"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No." she said.

"Good," he answered.

3. A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment.
Each student was instructed to bring in an object to share with the class
that represented their religion.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is
Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David."

The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is
Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary."

The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name is
Tommy. I am Lutheran and this is a casserole."

4. A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for
prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is
definitely the best way to pray," the priest said.

"No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands
outstretched to Heaven."

"You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position
is lying down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no
longer.

"Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I
was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole."


5. One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it
was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going."

"Why not?" she asked.

I'll give you two good reasons." He said. "One, they don't like me, and
two, I don't like them."

His mother replied, "I'll give YOU two good reasons why you SHOULD go
to church. One, you're 54 years old, and two, you're the pastor!"

6. A well-worn one dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty dollar bill
arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along
the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.

The twenty dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country.
"I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed.

"Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean."

"Wow!" said the one dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"

"So tell me," says the twenty," "where have you been throughout your
lifetime?"

The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church,
the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church..."

The twenty dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?"

7. The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While
they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their
son what they were having.

"Goat," the little boy replied.

"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about
that?"

"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just
as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'"

OK. Share your best religious jokes with me and eventually I may pass them along here.

See my About page to find out how to read online what I've written for The Kansas City Star.

Comments

Doug Worgul

Awesome. Thank you, Brother Bill.

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