Ministry to the dying: 11-18-08

Has someone in your family ever had services from a hospice?

Several years ago my late father-in-law had hospice care in Vermont, and my wife, who was with her father when he died, said the people assigned to him could not have been more helpful.

As hospice services have spread in recent years since the idea for hospices started in the 1960s, hospice administrators have learned more and better ways to care for the dying. One of those ways is to have chaplains on staff.

The New York Times recently reported that "Spiritual counseling has always been an optional part of the service. But recently, the proportion of patients choosing to receive it, and the number of new chaplains entering the field to meet the need, have risen sharply." For the full article, click here.

I recently became a member of the board of Kansas City Hospice and Palliative Care, a non-profit organization that provides care both in patients' homes and in the 24-bed Kansas City Hospice House. KCH retains the services of five chaplains who minister to people not only at the Hospice House but also, as needed, in the homes of families who request services.

It's hard to think of any time when chaplains are more needed than at the approach of death. And clergy members I know say some of their most satisfying work comes in this time and in doing grief counseling work. So somehow it doesn't surprise me to find that at least some members of the clergy are choosing to specialize in hospice ministry.

It's right where they need to be.

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BULLYING THE FAITHFUL

Aggressive criticism of religion and religious adherents apparently begins quite early. A study in England shows lots of children are bullied because of their faith, and it has an effect, this report says. Obviously it's important to start early to develop the ability to talk about religion in non-threatening ways. I wonder how such a study would turn out if done in the U.S. Any guesses?

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P.S.: Did you know that in November Catholics celebrate the contributions to their faith made by African-Americans? Check out Black Catholic History Month by clicking here. It's been going on since 1990.

Although my last column for the Faith section of The Kansas City Star appeared this past Saturday, you still may be able to read my latest Star work by clicking here.

Comments

[Dolores Lear]

Death has never bothered me very much. I have not been exposed to anyone that had to suffer a long time to die.

With my religion and love of Jesus, I aways felt like dying was going home. Now I am not a religious member, but I still do not fear death.

I Know my Atom and Electro-Magnetic Elements do Live Forever, and like Religion, 'someday', I will be Born by High Tech Science, in a Perfect Body, with Eternal Physical Life 'After Birth'.

This High Tech Truth of Eternal Life After Birth was lost, and now it is again available, but Fallen Humans use it for Deadly Pollution and Nuclear Bombs.

This past summer, A female friend of mine did go to Hospice House with cancer. She was a strong Christian and suffered through most of her time at home; she had Good Insurance. Hope PE Obama can do something for the Poor.

Today we do many 'miracles' with our Infant High Tech Science. But most of our Resources go for Killing and Death, instead of for the Living.

With the Massive Population Explosion, the Havenots have increased to where any Equality on a Monetary Basis is Impossible.

There are more Humans that increased from Individual Millionaires, to Billionaires. The Old Saying, 'The Rich get Richer and the Poor get Poorer' is always with a Monetary Basis.

Equal Sharing of the Planets Resources is Impossible now. Jesus Taught and Lived 'Common'ism.

Today, our Resources go into weapons of massive destruction, to destroy the Haves and Havenots, and Nuclear Bombs to destroy our Home Planet.

This is called Living for God.

[Will Graham]

Now this might be a time to hear from the athesit and how atheists minister to the dying.

[Joe Barone]

I served on the board of a Hospice one time. We didn't exclude atheists. The kind of competent, loving care Hospice brings can be helpful to all kinds of families and people.

[Will Graham]

Joe, no one claimed that Hospice does not minister to atheists.
I want to know how an athesit ministers to the dying. What does the atheist have to say to them?

[RichB]

When my dad was dying, we didn't have time to get him to hospice. He was too sick to be moved by the time the doctor recognized he was dying.

The result was that Dad's status changed to "hospice," even though he was in the same bed in the same room with the same nurses. It was interesting to see how the different nurses approached the death. Each had her own understanding of death.

One nurse was clearly atheist. She was very personable, a good take-charge nurse. However, she was obviously uncomfortable about death. Her own mother had died in a lot of pain and suffering. She really wanted to drug Dad up as much as possible so he could die in his sleep. Personally, I think that the dying process has some kind of meaning for us, and we should try to face it with as much strength and awareness as possible. Of course, we would have liked Dad to weigh in, but he wasn't really with it enough to do so.

For what it's worth, the nurse was an atheist, I am a Christian, and Dad was agnostic. I am happy to have had this nurse. I disagree with her approach, but it is ultimately an unknowable point. I agree that I shouldn't make people suffer, but I think that suffering can do good. I actually learned from the mental debate I went through. Ultimately, I was humbled by dying and death.

I don't want a Christian pushing beliefs onto my dying loved one, nor do I want an atheist to do so. I think that dialoge and learning are always good.

[KCFreeThinkers.org]

I've had recently two clients who are nurses - one at Kansas City Hospice and another at two retirement homes and both atheists. I did not know about their belief system till it was clear from what they were saying about medicine, right to die, abortion, stem cell research, education, etc.

They say that issues like drugging dying people up so they are in no pain come up all the time - legal guardians or children are not around at that time often and it is up to them to make the patient comfortable, if they are religious or not.

One has been in hospice for like 15 years or so and said he is yet to see a child or relative to say not to ease the pain of the dying person by giving them no drugs. Normally, it is a very polite asking - "Will it help them not suffer?" and it is a slam dunk after that. The issue of religion rarely comes up if ever in cases of "pain and suffering".

I think Christians are modernizing - they are beginning to understand that they have to suffer in style and without pain - Jesus died and suffered for them, so why do they have to?

[Will Graham]

Rich, what is there for the atheist to learn from the dying experience?

IN their view, that's it, its over, might as well drug out.

And, interestingly, that is really the only answer an "atheist" like KCF has.

Drug em up.

[KCFreeThinkers.org]

WHY CHRISTIANITY AS WE KNOW IT TODAY WILL DIE OUT OR MORPH INTO SOMETHING ELSE SHORTLY - VERY SHORTLY?

When it comes to gays there is no other issue besides abortion that inflames Christians in Ameirca.

Results of the recent ABC/Washington Post poll "Should Homosexuals Openly Serve in the Military"

July 2008 - 75% - Yes
May 1993 - 45% - Yes

If it goes like this, clearly "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" will be repealed by Obama with full or large support of the Congress.

In 15 years there is a 30% increase in "tolerance" to gays in the military. When this happens, Prop 8 and other "evil Christian theology" based laws all over the country will start crumbling pretty quickly.

Christianity will have to evolve and eventually shift emphaiss that Jesus NEVER talked about gays - hence, Christinanity will be morphing into a less militant form of "fairy" tale and eventually have less and less relevance in every day life of people and hopefully, die out like most other ancient religions.

[memberofKCFreeThinkers.org]

Personally I think we should understand pain and suffering as an individual experience. An experience is what it is, whether religious or not. We all have our levels of pain that are tolerable. Talking about good things in their lives, I would think I would enjoy talking about this in my last hours, perhaps things to pass on. If the pain is great, give me the drugs. You don’t have to have a level of drugs where you are not coherent. But none of us really knows how we will handle death until it happens to us. I would hope I would not regret my life, even mistakes I had made. That is part of life, so no repenting for me, or praying for me.

Recently a Friend’s Grandfather was dying and my Friend watched as an Uncle started praying for the Grandfather. The Grandfather said he would have none of that and get out. The Uncle became angry, but left. I think this was wrong. If the Uncle truly loved the dying man he would have kept his mouth shut, asked to stay and comforted him with his dying wishes.

I heard this on a religious radio show: A granddaughter was upset because her dying Grandfather did not want a Preacher at his bedside as he died, so she was calling in for ‘professional’ advice. The Radio Preacher, to my dismay, told the Granddaughter to sneak a preacher in anyway,

I would minister to the wishes of the dying, as I hope people will do for me.

For the Sake of Goodness. Cole

[RichB]

This is probably too late to add, but let me mention it.

When my dad was dying, I asked him if he wanted anyone to come and say any prayers. He said he didn't really care, so I had someone come. My mom--an atheist--didn't really want anyone to come after he had died. I asked if it was ok if I had one come in for my sake, and she was ok with it. In the end, interestingly, my mom was happy I did.

Also, my wife and I are against cremation for religious reasons, but my parents are for it. What can I do in that case? My youngest daughter was upset about the idea, too. So we told her that God can raise up bones into an army; surely he can raise up ashes into Grandpa.

I think that having respect and listening is important. I need to separate my desires from others', and negotiate on that level.

[Bonnie]

Kansas City Hospice and Palliative Care is a wonderful organization that served my family very well. My husband was at the Hospice House for less than 72 hours, but the care he received was beyond our expectations. The follow up care they provided for me has been greatly appreciated. The dignity with which my husband was treated spoke of the wonderful understanding hospice workers have of the dignity of life. Being able to turn over my husband's medical care allowed me and our children to love him fully, to be with him as he went home to Heaven.

When I asked one of the workers there why she chose her job, she said, "It is such a privilege to know people who will meet God so soon. It is the closest I can be to being in Heaven." What a gift she was to all of us!

One of the first hospices was in Beaune, France. Catholic nuns there moved patients into the chapel so that they could be in peaceful, comforting surroundings. The Sisters called their hospice, "Hotel de Dieu," the Hotel of God. It is now a museum, a tribute to those who, many years ago, saw the need to care for the dying in a special way.